Over the last few years I have had to train myself to look at life in a positive way. At first I didn’t even realize I was doing anything other than living and reacting in the moment, but when things started to get exceedingly difficult, I found that looking for the small wins and small moments of joy were what got me through. It’s something that isn’t easy to do, and at the moment can feel extremely difficult. I am by no means perfect at this, but I have found it helps me tremendously throughout my life.
A few years ago when my anxiety first reared its head again I was hypersensitive to every little thing, and it all seemed to be negative. The smallest nuances in how I felt, the churning on my stomach or a slight wave of dizziness would send me spiraling into an anxiety rabbit hole. A small disagreement with my family or my boyfriend would send me into my head to list all of the things I’ve done wrong or all the things I’m a victim of. All the activities anxiety prevented me from doing or enjoying was a weight heavy on my shoulders of failure and negativity.
Slowly, this mindset started to change. To be quite honest it wasn’t even me to make the change, it was my dad. No matter what happened he always seemed to make some positive spin out of it. I started reading and learning more about meditation and manifestation, and how powerful our minds can be in creating our reality. This combined with something my boyfriend subscribed to which was “small wins”, where even if the entire day wasn’t a success there were moments throughout the day that were.
I started doing these little mindset shifts on my own. If I couldn’t drive all the way somewhere myself, I at least tried and didn’t quit before starting. Small things, like eating a salad for dinner after having a heavy lunch. This subtle mindset came in huge when my dad was in the hospital. It suddenly became a very real battle of life or death, and focusing on the fact that he was alive to fight another day saved me from breaking many times. When I was in the height of anxiety attacks, couldn’t be alone or couldn’t even leave the house on my own, focusing on the fact that I was still working, or was still able to go on a walk allowed me to redirect my attention, if only for a little bit.
I am by no means perfect at this, and have plenty of moments where seemingly all I can do is focus on the negative. At my job I applied for a higher position, and was told by all of my management I was more than likely to get it. I was already doing two thirds of the job description and thought I for sure would get the position. I got an automated email halfway through my workday advising me that I was rejected and would not be getting the job. All day I let it get me down, I cried, was angry, I even thought about quitting. The next morning I was able to get on a call with the hiring manager who not only apologized for the automated email, but told me the candidate they went with was bilingual and I was not. If there were two open positions I would have gotten the other one.
And I then had one of the best days I had in a while. I reframed everything, where this was a positive experience where I got to practice interviewing, got to network with other people in management at my company, and got the reassurance that there are similar positions opening up soon, and I would be kept in mind for those and encouraged to apply.
I was reminded that I create the reality I want to live in. When I initially got the rejection email I let the feelings of negativity and doubt take over. Those are normal reactions in such a circumstance, but I let them cloud the rest of my vision. I was down and angry the rest of the day, and instead I could have taken a step back and viewed the entire thing as another positive learning experience.
Focusing on the positive is a choice, a choice to always try to see a silver lining. A choice to not dwell in your own feelings of fear, doubt, and negativity. It allows the heart to be open, it attracts more positivity and love in. When you are consistently making the effort to go with the frequency of positivity, it opens up more room in your life for even more positivity. If you only focus on the bad things around you then that’s all you’re going to see. What you focus on is what will become your reality.
It’s not easy, and it takes effort and mental training and dedicated focus. There will be moments in life where it seems impossible to see anything good, and that’s okay too. Feel them, allow yourself to cry, scream, whatever you need to do. Then find one thing, one small thing that is a silver lining, a small win, a light in the dark. Each time you do this, it becomes a tiny bit easier, a tiny bit more natural.
Life isn’t easy, there is pain and strife throughout everyone’s life. But along with all of that is also beauty, hope, love, contentment, and millions of other positives. Pick one positive each day, and see how that slowly starts to make a difference in your life.
